Trusting God for His Perfect Plan for Our Lives
Going Against The Flow
Modern culture continually bombards Christians with certain ideals in the
area of sexuality within marriage, as well as family size and timing. It's
accepted - and expected - that a newlywed couple will use birth control for
at least two years before having their first child - and that they will stop
having children after two. The world - including the Evangelical world -
believes that this is "responsible." But is this the way God's people should
think? Have we adopted the world's mind set in this area of our lives? Do
our beliefs, attitudes and choices look any different than those of the world's?
Should they look any different? Isn't the Bible silent on birth control?
While the Bible is "silent" on birth control - there isn't a commandment
that says "Thou shall not use birth control" - neither is there a commandment
forbidding abortion, yet we can clearly see in scripture the case against
it. In the same way, we can see God's heart on birth control if we're willing
to look. We need to understand His heart on human life, the value of children,
His purpose for sex, and the role of faith in every area of our lives.
"In His Image"
"Then God said, 'Let Us make man in our image, according to Our likeness;
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air,
and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that
creeps on the earth. So God created man in His own image, in the image of
God He created him; male and female He created them.'"
Genesis 1:26, 27
Genesis states that human life is created in "God's own image." That's
what sets us apart from the rest of His creation - only men and women are
"stamped" or "imprinted" with His image and nature. It also states that He
created us "male and female." There's something about how He created the
male that uniquely bears the image of God - and there's something about how
He created the female that uniquely bears His image, too. There are
obvious physical differences that we cannot ignore - but there are other
differences that are more easily rejected or suppressed - consciously or
subconsciously - and by doing so, the "image of God" in that man or woman
is also being rejected or suppressed. When it comes to matters of hormonal
methods of birth control, this is most definitely true for women. Men were
created by God to have a steady supply and flow of hormones that control
his sexual health/life. From puberty until death, a man's levels of FHS,
LH and testosterone remain constant - they remain the same from day to day.
In contrast, a woman's hormones are changing daily - they ebb and flow -
come and go - all in a finely tuned hormonal "symphony" that controls her
fertility. That's how God made her! When a woman is using a hormonal method
of birth control her hormones "flat line" - like a male's. Is it possible
that the very thing that makes her uniquely "created in His image" has been
tampered with?
Is it really any wonder that women who use hormonal birth control notice
a significant change in their moods and emotions - as well as in their libido?
Shouldn't we embrace the differences that God has built into men and women,
instead of trying to suppress them?
“God created them male and female - in the image of God He created
them...”
“Be Fruitful and Multiply…”
“Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and
multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the
sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on
the earth.’”
Genesis 1:28
“This, the first directive that God gave to mankind, has never been
rescinded. The rest of the verse instructs man to replenish (fill) the earth
and subdue (tread down, conquer) it. The increase of a population is a two-fold
blessing. Proverbs 14:28 tells us that “In a multitude of people
is a king’s honor, but in the lack of people is the downfall of a
prince.” Society as a whole, benefits economically by adding more
members to it. New people have new ideas and invent ways to do things more
efficiently and cost effectively. God has blessed everyone, even those who
do not know Him, with different gifts and talents and abilities to bless
others and function in a larger body of society. When Christians multiply,
they are raising up children to know Jesus and function in the Body of Christ,
blessing others with their individual gifts and talents to further the Kingdom
of God. There are many verses where God bestows a blessing upon His people
by promising them an increase in numbers and fertility and likewise a cursing
for disobedience by taking away their fertility.”*
Deuteronomy: 7:12-16 "Where it shall come to pass, if ye hearken
to these judgements, and keep, and do them, that...He will love thee and
bless thee, and multiply thee: He will also bless the fruit of thy womb....Thou
shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren
among you...." See also: Deuteronomy 28:1-6, 30:5, 9, Jeremiah 30:19,
Hosea 9:11-17.
They Shall Become “One Flesh”
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined
to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
Sexual intimacy allows husband and wife to experience a “oneness”
that cannot be experienced in any other way. It is a beautiful expression
of love, and is a gift of God for marriage. Over the years Evangelical Christians
have moved away from the original perspective of the gift of sexuality -
our views on sex within marriage differ very little from those outside the
church. This has not always been the case. Historically, sexual intimacy
was viewed as a three dimensional act - physical, procreative and spiritual.
“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore
Cain...” Genesis 4: 1
“And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and named him
Seth...” Genesis 4: 25
“But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And
why one? He seeks godly offspring.” Malachi 2:15
The act of “knowing” a spouse resulted in conception - it wasn’t
just a physical act for pleasure’s sake. We’re not discounting
the pleasure that comes with sexual intimacy. That is a gift from God to
husbands and wives, and we believe that it was His intent that it be pleasurable.
He created us - male and female - with all the nerve endings that make sex
an incredible experience. BUT - He didn’t create sex solely for pleasure
- it was part of His divine design, but not the complete design. We’re
also not saying that sexual intimacy should be reserved only for procreation
(which the Gnostics did) - but it was and is part of His design. Why? Because
“God desires godly offspring.” And - what could be the fullest
expression of “becoming one” than the co-mingling of genetic material
that occurs at conception, resulting in the creation of a new human life?
“‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and
be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is
a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
Ephesians 5: 31,32
This verse in Ephesians teaches us that sexual union is a
“mysterious” representation of the union of Christ and His church.
If that is true, where does contraception fit into that picture? Would Jesus
do anything that would prevent complete union with His Bride? Would He do
anything - or ask the Bride to do anything -that would prevent that union
from bearing fruit?
“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every
branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”
John 15:2
In 1930, when the Anglican Church stepped away from thousands of years of
teaching against “pagan” methods of birth control, and opened the
door for married couples to use condoms, sexual intimacy became simply a
physical act. The result of their decision should be clear to everyone -
extramarital affairs increased, divorce rates soared, and the “need”
for abortion as a back up to failed birth control brought what was once
considered a crime into the mainstream.
Are Children a Blessing - or a Curse?
Most Christians would answer “a blessing.” By this they often mean
that the children they “wanted” or “planned” for are
blessings. But what if God chooses to bless them with another family member?
Would they be happy with God’s gift? Usually not - especially if this
child wasn’t “planned.” The majority of the church has openly
embraced birth control, even though it’s very name clearly implies that
someone else is in control other than God. Their bodies, destiny, family
size, timing and structure have never been turned over to God. Birth control
says to God - “I can’t/won’t trust you with my fertility.
I am choosing to be in control of this area of my life. You can be Lord over
everything else - but not this.” (Granted, most Christians don’t
consciously think this when they choose birth control - but their “actions
speak louder than words!”)
Ask yourself this question - and be honest - when you see a large family
(three or more children), what do you think? Do you think, “My, they
have so many blessings! What a beautiful family!” Or - do you think
-or say - “Don’t they know what causes pregnancy? Don’t they
know about birth control? When are they going to stop!?” When someone
tells you that they’re expecting, do you ask them if it was
“planned” - or an “accident?” When someone using Natural
Family Planning becomes pregnant, do you immediately assume that the method
“failed.”
If we believe that children are ALWAYS a gift from God, do your thoughts
and attitudes reflect His heart?
What Does God Say about Children and Who Creates Life
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the
womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children
of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. They shall
not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate."
Psalm 127:3-5.
"Then He (Jesus) said to them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in
My name welcomes Me; and whoever welcomes Me welcomes the One who sent me.
For he who is least among you all- he is the greatest."
Luke 9:48.
"All these were the sons of Hemen the king’s seer in the words of
God, to exalt his horn. For God gave Heman fourteen sons and three
daughters."
1 Chronicles 25:5.
"Obed-edom had eight sons "for God blessed him."
1 Chronicles 26:4-5.
"For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are
in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or
principalities, or powers: all things were created by Him, and for Him:"
Colossians 1:16
"Did not He that made me in the womb make him? And did not One fashion
us in the womb?"
Job 31:15.
"As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones
do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the
works of God who maketh all." Ecclesiastes 11:5.
"Here am I, and the children the Lord has given me. We are signs and symbols
in Israel from the Lord Almighty, who dwells on Mount Zion." Isaiah
8:18.
"Thus saith the LORD, thy redeemer, and He that formed thee from the womb,
I am the LORD that maketh all things; that stretcheth forth the heavens alone;
that spreadeth abroad the earth by Myself;"
Isaiah 44:24
Leviticus 15
Another interesting scripture to consider is found in Leviticus 15
-“If a woman has a discharge and the discharge from her body is blood,
she shall be set apart seven days; and whoever touches her shall be unclean
until evening. ...When she is cleansed from her discharge, then she shall
count for herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean. And on the
eighth day she shall take for herself two turtle-doves or two young pigeons,
and bring them to the priest, to the door of the tabernacle or meeting...and
the priest shall make atonement for her before the LORD for the discharge
of her uncleanness.”
Leviticus 15:19,28-30
This section of verses deal with a woman’s menstruation - or any discharge
of blood. She is considered to be “unclean” for the seven days
of bleeding - then she counts off an additional 7 days. On the following
day she goes to the priest for atonement - 15 days after she started bleeding.
For most women, that’s exactly at the time of ovulation - the only fertile
time in a woman’s cycle! God set up the guidelines for sexual intimacy
so that a husband and wife would be able to resume intercourse at exactly
the time when conception could occur!
(Verses 25-27 discuss a woman who has a blood discharge that is beyond the
normal seven days. There are those who argue that verses 28-30 only apply
to that situation. However, historically - and to this day -Orthodox Jews
stringently follow these guidelines without distinguishing between menstrual
bleeding or bleeding from other causes, and as a result, tend to have large
families. It’s interesting to note that Muslims also follow these same
guidelines, and also have large families, which is causing a demographic
“shift” in many areas of the world where Islam has taken root.)
Another common argument against these verses being applied to Evangelicals
is that they are “Old Testament” - they “don’t apply
to Christians.” While it is true that we do not live “under the
law,” can we really ignore the Old Testament because it makes us
uncomfortable? Doesn’t the New Testament say that the Old Testament
is a “shadow” of things to come (Hebrews 10:1)?
“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable
for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good
work.”
2 Timothy 3:16,17
“Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did
not come to destroy but to fulfill. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven
and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the
law till all is fulfilled.”
Matthew 5: 17,18
“But Didn’t God Gave Us ‘Common Sense?’”
“Couples can read these (and more) verses and agree that it is God who
is the Creator of all Life. When asked, however, if they think God alone
should ultimately be in control of the number and spacing of their children,
their reply is often negative. “God gave us common sense, after all,”
or “God gave me a brain and He expects me to use it,” are typical
responses. But the Bible does not say that God expects - or wants - us to
use our own logic or “common sense” - it actually says quite the
opposite.”*
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,”
says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways
higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but it’s end is the
way of death.”
Proverbs 14:12
So if we cannot trust in ourselves to make the right decision in this matter,
whom can we trust?
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your
paths.”
Proverbs 3:5.
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and bring to nothing the
understanding of the prudent.”
Isaiah 29:14.
“Where is the wise? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made
foolish the wisdom of this world?…Because the foolishness of God is
wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men…But God
has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and
God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things that
are mighty…that, as it is written, ‘He who glories, let him
glory in the LORD.” 1 Corinthians 1:20, 25, 27, 31.
Does the Bible actually say anywhere that Christian couples are supposed
to be exercising control over the number and spacing of their children? Many
have never even thought to look and see, and have just gone along with the
world’s wisdom without a second thought on the matter.
Aren’t We Supposed to Walk by Faith?
“The largest stumbling block is usually, “What about the money
to feed and raise a lot of children?” That sounds right, doesn’t
it? The verse typically used to support this is, “But if anyone does
not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has
denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy
5:8. Let’s take a look to see what this verse is sandwiched between.
Verses 3-16 are all dealing with how widows should be treated. Verse 8 is
not referring to a man providing for his family at all. It is instructing
children of a widow to stay at home to care for her rather than turning her
over to the care of the church. It could still be inferred that a man should
provide for his household, especially since Paul also says “if anyone
will not work, neither shall he eat.” 2 Thessalonians 3:10.
So, has God given directives to husbands to take control of their family
size based on their own perception of finances and provisions? No! Jesus
said, “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’
Or ‘What shall we drink?’ Or ‘What shall we wear?’ For
after all these things the Gentiles (non-believers) seek. For your heavenly
Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of
God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore
do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:31-34.
The passages before these verses show the Lord teaching His disciples that
our Father knows our needs and that we need to be concerning ourselves with
the things of God rather than the things of money, food, and clothes. We
cannot serve both God and mammon. In Matthew 7, Jesus continues to exhort
them that we only need to ask and seek and that our Father is faithful to
give good things to those who ask Him (Matthew 7:7-11).”* Here are some
more verses concerning God’s provisions for His children as opposed
to man’s worries over the future:
“Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; Blessed is the man who
trusts in Him! Oh fear the LORD, you His saints! There is no want to those
who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek
the LORD shall not lack any good thing.”
Psalm 34:8-10.
"O Lord, by your hand save me from such men, from men of this world whose
reward is in this life. You still the hunger of those you cherish; their
sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children."
Psalms 17:14
"I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous
forsaken, nor his seed begging bread."
Psalms 37:25
"Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled by oppression, calamity,
and sorrow; he who pours contempt on nobles made them wander in a trackless
waste. But he lifted the needy out of their affliction and increased their
families like flocks. The upright see and rejoice, but all the wicked shut
their mouths."
Psalm 107:39-42.
“For we walk by faith, and not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:7
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of
things not seen...But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he
who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those
who diligently seek Him.”
Hebrews 11:1,6
Faith says, “God, I don’t know how we’ll take care of more
children, but we’re willing to trust You for the resources we’ll
need.” That’s quite different than someone who, by using birth
control, says, “God I know we can’t take care of more children,
and I’m not willing to trust You to provide. We can only handle one
or two children. You might make a mistake and give us one child too many,
so I’m going to take care of it myself.”
“But I Don’t Have Enough Time to Care for Any More!”
“God never promised any of us enough time to do all the things we want
to do. Whether it be with our children or any other pursuits in our lives.
We tend to live our life making our own plans and asking God to bless them
as an afterthought. In our own strength we will never have enough time, or
patience for that matter, to deal with our children, be it two or ten. But
Jesus has patience and we get our strength from Him. Sometimes we also tend
to become tunnel-visioned on meeting our children’s every whim under
the guise of “needs” and feeling guilty if we cannot. We all desire
to give each child our very best and plenty of time and love. But we have
to face the reality that we cannot physically or mentally be all that they
need. Only God can do that.”*
What’s the Difference Between Natural Family Planning (NFP) and Using
Birth Control?
Couples who are using NFP to postpone pregnancy are doing so with the
understanding - and willingness to accept - that God is ultimately in control
of how many children they have. They do not use NFP like someone who is using
the Pill or condoms - with the mind-set that they are in control. Should
a pregnancy occur, the child is seen as an unexpected blessing from God -
rather than a “mistake” or an “accident” - or worse still
- something that needs to be “fixed” through abortion (and yes,
married Christians do choose abortion, often when contraception has failed).
Couples using NFP are also cooperating with how God created them - the husband
understands his wife’s cycle and is able to “live with her in
understanding (1 Peter 3:7)” - they are not using drugs that can cause
lasting physical harm, or devices that block the ability to fully “become
one.” NFP couples seek God on issues relating to their family size on
a monthly basis - they are always open to hearing from Him about His plans
for their family. They treat fertility as a gift - not a disease that needs
to be treated.
Couples using NFP exercise “self-control” (which is a fruit of
the Spirit) - instead of using birth control. NFP couples know that they
were created with the ability to choose - they are not driven by uncontrollable
physical urges that must be suppressed through medication, or removed through
surgery. Men and women weren’t created like dogs and cats who need to
be “fixed” to control their drive to reproduce. They can willingly
give up sexual intimacy for a few days each month if they have chosen to
postpone pregnancy.
And there are benefits to these differences that go beyond the physical -
divorce rates among NFP users are less than 5%! Since sexual intimacy isn’t
available “whenever,” these couples spend a lot of time “keeping
the romance alive” in their relationships - they take the time to learn
how to express love to their mate in non-sexual ways. When the couple is
able to be intimate, the sexual act is complete - they don’t have to
worry or think about anything but enjoying the moment. Since they can’t
always have “make-up sex,” they actually have to talk through the
conflicts in their relationship. All of these things strengthen marriage!
And that’s always good!
Couples choosing to use NFP see a positive impact on their children. As sons
and daughters witness their mothers and fathers practicing a life of purity
within their marriage, it sets an example for their children to follow. When
sons see their fathers willingly giving up sexual intimacy so that their
mothers don’t have to suffer the physical affects of birth control -
they are more likely to see women as a person who deserves to be protected
and cherished. When sons see their fathers choosing to give up sexual intimacy
for a few days each month, they learn that they, too, can exercise self-control
with their sexuality. When sons and daughters see sex as something that’s
more than just a physical act, they come to value and protect their own fertility
and sexuality.
And yes, couples using NFP tend to have larger families than those who contracept
- but perhaps not for the reasons you might think. It’s not that their
method “failed.” It’s that with each child who comes into
their family, their hearts expand with love and grace, and they see them
as incredible gifts, not just to their family, but to the world, and ultimately,
to God. They come to realize that their ONLY “possession” with
eternal value is their children! Their cars - their homes - their bank accounts
- all of their earthly possessions - will burn. But a child is eternal, and
is immeasurably valuable to God. They have chosen to put their
“investment” into an eternal Kingdom!
(Credit goes to Quiver Full Ministry for some of the content of this article
- designated by an *)
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