If we are to believe what we read in the magazines, see on TV, or hear on the radio, there is NO reason to wait for sex. Sex, as portrayed by the media, is as essential for life as eating and breathing. Go without sex? Why? How? Is it even possible? No way! The TRUTH is, sex is NOT essential for life, and there are some very good reasons to wait! STDs, HIV/AIDS, unplanned pregnancies - all of these would not be the problems they are today had it not been for the "sexual revolution" of the ' 60s.

Before the 1960s, saving sex for marriage was "the norm" - it's what was expected - and virginity was valued. Even today, in almost every culture around the world, remaining a virgin until marriage is expected. Sadly, in our culture, "virginity" is considered archaic, and while unplanned pregnancies are not encouraged, neither is abstinence. And that's really too bad, because there are many benefits to abstinence, including:

• It's risk free
• It's responsible
• It's honest
• It's effective
• It's bold
• It's worry free
• It doesn't cost anything
• It builds trust
• It creates respect
• There's no fear of getting caught
• It won't betray you
• It doesn't play games
• There's no manipulation
• It won't break your heart
• You won't feel used
• Virginity is given - not lost
• STDs can kill
• Some STDs are forever
• Life is valuable
• You are valuable!

For those who consider themselves to be Christians, there is another reason to wait - because it's what God expects! His word is clear on this issue - sex is intended for marriage - not before, but after! (See scriptures)

Why is this? Because He wants to protect us! God knows that the safest place for sex to be experienced is in a stable, committed, loving relationship - marriage. Sex outside of this relationship puts us at risk for things He never wanted us to have to face - like STDs, unplanned pregnancies, and abortion. Choosing not to have sex before marriage pleases the heart of God - and protects us!

So - how do abstain when "everyone else is doing it?" The first thing you must do is purpose in your heart that you won't have sex outside of marriage. This means that you promise yourself - and God - that you will not have sex until - or unless - you're married.

Then you need to set boundaries for yourself and your relationships. Sex doesn't "just happen." There are things that lead up to having sex - identify those things, and know your limits. Can you hold hands without becoming sexually aroused? Then hold hands! Can you kiss and not be aroused? Then kiss! Can you touch and fondle your partner? Unlikely! If you're in a private place - and you're alone - "making out" will most likely lead to sex, especially if you've already been sexually active. If you've already been sexually active, or have come very close to having intercourse, you may need to limit your dating to public places or group activities. It's a lot harder to have sex when you're in a group of people at the mall than when you're in the backseat of your car on "lover's lane!"

You also need to think about your partner - what are his/her limits? It's a fact that men are sexually aroused much more quickly than women. What a woman can do without "crossing the line" is likely to be much more than what a man can do. If you are the woman in the relationship, be aware that while you can "kiss and touch" and not want any more, he will probably have stronger urges and desires, and it's risky to push him beyond his limits and then expect him to stop.

For those of you who have already had sex - and who think it's "too late" - think again! You can choose - now - to wait. You can commit yourself - now - to abstinence. You can develop a new sense of self-respect. You can give your heart time to heal from sexual relationships that may have left you feeling used, rejected and betrayed. You can begin preparing yourself for that one person who will want to spend the rest of his/her life with you.

Abstinence - saving sex for marriage - is a difficult choice. It is a battle against sexual temptation, and is a character building struggle. It requires courage, strength and self control. Will you dare to be different? Will you dare to stand up for yourself? If you are a Christian, will you dare to believe that God's Word is true even though it contradicts what society believes about sex? We hope so!

Click here to see what the Bible says about Sexual Sin

For years young people have been treated as if they were animals who should be encouraged to physically express their sexuality without moral restriction. The birth control pill (and later, abortion) was supposed to take care of unwanted pregnancies. Morality was ridiculed as if it were abnormal and practiced only by religious fanatics.

I've treated a lot of young people, and I don't think you see yourself as an animal. You have dreams f or the future and an awareness of the past. You know there is more to you than your body and its desires. Inside, there is your self - including your values, opinions, preferences, emotions, a sense of what's right and what's not, what's fair and what's not, and ability to make choices and a will to survive . . . more than that, to succeed.

These things are true of you because you're not an animal. You're a person. You don't have to be religious to know this. And even if you're not religious, the fact that you are a person is what motivates you to become all that you can be as a human being. At the very least, this means respecting yourself and the other human beings in your environment, including those of the opposite sex. But isn't that what morality is about? So you see, it's not weird; it's both rational and in your own best interests to treat others the way you would like to be treated.

When you apply this idea to sexual expression, it's pretty easy to see that 'reducing the risks' inherent in multiple sexual encounters only ends up reducing you and your partners to a level that doesn't match up with the kind of person you really want to be."

Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr., M.D., in "Why Condoms Aren't Safe," a brochure available from Focus on the Family. "

Click here to see what the Bible says about Sexual Sin