For some women, abortion is the result of an outright threat of abandonment if the woman won’t “do the right thing” and abort. Other times, the pressure is more subtle: “It’s your decision, but….”
Unfortunately, all the evidence shows that abortion to “save a relationship” almost never works. Many relationships between couples come apart shortly after an abortion. Others survive only because the partners are still bound together by grief. These relationships often turn into prolonged, mutually destructive mourning rituals.(1) Even married couples are often driven apart by an abortion unless they can find a way to complete the grieving process together.
Abortion breeds anger, resentment, and bitterness toward the partner who was not supportive or who ignored their partner’s desire to keep the baby.
At the same time, there is often tremendous pressure in the relationship to conceal one’s true feelings of grief or guilt. This can especially be a problem for men, who are often taught to hide their emotions. Men may also feel obligated to appear “strong” so as not to upset the woman any further.
Men can be affected by abortion in many of the same ways as women. Many men have reported post-abortion problems such as feelings of grief, helplessness and guilt; sexual dysfunction; substance abuse; self-hatred; fear of relationships; risk-taking and suicidal behavior; depression; greater tendencies toward becoming angry and violent; and a sense of lost manhood.(2)
When either women or men carry the emotional baggage of an unresolved abortion into a subsequent relationship, it can cause trouble in subtle and even dramatic ways.
This is especially a problem when they keep the abortion a secret from their spouses, who are then unable to understand their emotional cycles. The distortions in behavior that result when spouses keep secrets from each other can be devastating to a marriage.
At the very least, the “need” to keep a past abortion secret prevents couples from giving and receiving unconditional love. This deprives the relationship of the opportunity to reach its full potential.
It is no coincidence that the abortion rate and the domestic violence rate have risen almost side by side. Abortion, for both women and men, is associated with self-hatred, self-punishing behavior, and an increased tendency to act out anger and rage toward others.
A woman who is self-destructive or suicidal, but afraid to deliberately harm herself, may be more likely to become involved with a violent man. A violent relationship may allow her both to express her own rage and to experience what she unconsciously feels is the “punishment I deserve.” Because of self-hatred and low self-esteem, she may remain in the relationship because she thinks she doesn’t deserve anything better.
Certainly, there are many other causes of domestic violence. But substantial statistical evidence and many case studies show that abortion is contributing to this national tragedy.
Until these women and men are provided with an environment that promotes post-abortion healing, they are likely to remain trapped in these cycles of violence.
Dr. Theresa Karminski Burke is a psychotherapist and director of the Center for Post-Abortion Healing and author of Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion.
1. Franke, L. Bird, The Ambivalence of Abortion (New York: Random House Inc., 1978) p. 63. See also Reardon, Aborted Women, 45.
2. Strahan, T., “Portraits of Post-Abortive Fathers Devastated by the Abortion Experience,” Assoc. for Interdisciplinary Research in Values and Social Change, Nov./Dec. 1994.
Source: Elliot Institute
Just had a VERY long and interesting conversation with a young man who was APPALLED that Ohio has banned abortion when there's a heartbeat. He's involved with a feminist group on campus, and he "just can't figure it out" - the anti-abortion movement "makes no sense" to him - and he said he wanted to understand. He hung up on me when I called him on his own bias - he didn't want to admit that his position was based on a worldview that has been formed by where he's gone to school and what he's been taught to believe at home and by his peers. He TOTALLY discounted my religious beliefs - and didn't see the hypocrisy in that (I have to respect his worldview but he doesn't have to respect mine). I hope - and pray - that SOMETHING I said filtered through his confusion.
The New Year is always a good time to look back and evaluate where we’ve been - and think about where we’d like to go. Sometimes, though, our past choices have a way of holding on, no matter how hard we try to move on, and “get on” with our lives. Perhaps a bad relationship still has us in its grip - maybe the person is gone, but the emotional damage done replays in our minds, making it difficult to feel “safe” with someone new - someone better. Or - that relationship pushed us into something we deeply regret - maybe an abortion - and we haven’t quite figured out how to let ourselves off the hook for what we’ve done. We can try to forget - for years - but that regret can poison everything good that comes along - and we yearn for a fresh start - a new beginning. While the past can’t be undone - some things just can’t be changed, we can learn new ways of looking at it - and learn how to forgive ourselves and others. And - we can choose to embrace the new life we’re offered - if we’re brave enough to stop pretending - and start the healing process.
“There are some things that are just so painful that we try to bury it beyond memory. I’ve learned from my own experience that no matter how deep I buried my pain, it always found a way out, and I was in a constant state of anxiety and fear. When I finally stopped - faced the pain (and its cause) - I was able to move beyond it and into freedom,” said Sharon Pearce, the Executive Director of Silent Voices. She and her staff are passionate about helping other women find that same freedom in a safe, nurturing environment. Silent Voices is a faith based non-profit organization, and with over thirty years of experience they can be trusted to help you sort out what’s going on - help you face your pain - and walk with you as you rediscover a truly wonderful person - the real you.
We can be reached by phone (619-422-0757) or by email (email@example.com).
The holidays are all about doing a little something extra for someone. If you’d like to lend a hand and show someone you care before, during and after the holidays, be sure to let them know about some money and energy savings programs that SDG&E offers its customers year ‘round.
With Daylight Savings Time ending, lighting your home earlier in the evening can increase your energy use and cost. This November, plan ahead to make the holiday season brighter, safer & more affordable.
Make the Season Bright
Did you know? One of the easiest ways to lower your electricity use is to switch to energy-efficient lighting like LEDs.
Here are four (4) reasons to make the switch to light-emitting diodes (LEDs):
Before you decorate your home for the holidays, be sure to browse the wide selection of LED holiday lights available in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes at major retailers, home improvement stores and online stores.
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Before you count your blessings this holiday season, keep your natural gas appliances in safe working condition by signing up for a gas appliance check-up online. Select your date, set up your appointment and provide some additional information. It’s that easy. Best of all, this service is free of charge to SDG&E customers! http://www.sdge.com/residential/serviceorders
Make the Holiday Season More Affordable
Last summer, the California Public Utilities Commission (CPUC) approved a new electric rate structure that's being phased in through 2020. California’s energy utilities are changing the way they charge for energy based on when you use it. Find out more about how energy rates are changing in San Diego: http://www.sdge.com/whenergy
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Count your blessings this holiday season. Keep your natural gas appliances in safe working condition by signing up for an appliance check-up online or calling into SDG&E. Best of all, this service is free of charge to SDG&E customers!
RU-486, the abortion pill, is offered to women who are less than nine weeks pregnant. When it first became available in the United States, pro-choice activists rejoiced. They believed that it would make abortion more readily available to women.
Abortion providers say that RU-486 is safe and effective. According to abortion provider Dr. David Grimes: “I just don’t see any downsides. For those women who don’t like the invasiveness of surgery, it gives them a very important option.”
In an article in Marie Claire titled “Betrayed by a Pill,” a pro-choice woman named Norine Dworkin-McDaniel gives another perspective when she describes her RU-486 abortion.
She starts out by talking about how happy she was when RU-486 became an option for women.
“From the moment it was approved in 2000, I believed in the abortion pill. Finally! Abortion would finally become what it always should have been: a private medical matter between a woman and her doctor. It held the promise of swift, at home termination. There would be no more gauntlets of protesters at clinics, because who would know which physicians were dispensing the pills? Even better, the pill would keep abortion accessible at a time when fewer gynecologists were willing to perform them out of fear of attacks.”
Dworkin – McDaniel eventually was faced an unplanned pregnancy. According to her, when she became pregnant, she was using cocaine and would “work all day, and party, party, party all night.”
She worried that her drug use would cause medical problems for the baby:
“No matter what I did from this point on, there would always be a chance that the baby would have problems – maybe physical ones, maybe psychological issues. I wasn’t willing to roll the dice with another life.”
So Dworkin – McDaniel decided to end that life instead.
She describes how she decided not to have a surgical abortion:
“There was the surgical option of course. I’d had one in college (so you think I would’ve learned this lesson already) and I dreaded the needle that would be used to numb my cervix.”
The abortion would be done by RU-486, (mifepristone) which would kill the baby. Then a second drug (misoprostol) would cause her to expel the embryo and placenta.
“The Mifeprex literature described some cramping and bleeding, “similar to or greater than a normal, heavy period.” This sounded far more appealing than surgical abortion. A few pills, a couple of cramps, and it would all be over. We could move on with our lives.” But it didn’t work out as she had planned.
She took the mispristone and then, two days later, prepared to administer the misoprostol:
Clinic staffers had directed me to insert the tablets into my vagina in the morning so I’d have the day to recover. I envisioned recuperating on the couch with some uncomfortable but bearable cramps and soothing myself with bad daytime TV.”
I never made it to the couch.”
She describes in detail what happened:
“Nothing – not the drug literature, the clinic doctor, not even my own gyno – had prepared me for the searing, gripping, squeezing pain that ripped through my belly 30 minutes later. I couldn’t even form words when Stewart [her boyfriend] called to check on me. It was all I could do to gasp, “Come home! Now!” For 90 minutes, I was disoriented, nauseated, and, between crushing waves of contractions, that I imagine were close to what labor feels like, racing from the bed to the bathroom with diarrhea.”
Then, just as quickly, it was over. The next night, I started bleeding. I bled for 14 days. A follow-up ultrasound confirmed that I’d aborted. And that’s when the problems really began.
I had been prepared for the possibility that the pill wouldn’t work and I’d still need a surgical abortion – that happens in about 5 to 8 percent of cases. I also knew that I might bleed so heavily I’d need surgery to stop it… [But] what blindsided me, apart from being battered by the mifepristone, with a huge, cystic boils that soon covered my neck, shoulders, and back. I was also overcome by fatigue – an utter lack of ability to do anything more strenuous than sleep or lie on the couch. My brain felt so fuzzy – English seemed like a 2nd language, and I couldn’t work. On top of all that came depression; I sobbed constantly. I wouldn’t leave the house. I stopped showering.
It was only when I described my symptoms to my gynecologist that I discovered my experience wasn’t all that unusual. (The Mifeprex literature didn’t even mention it) “I think it’s underreported, but probably one in 3 women have dramatic side effects,” he told me. My body was in total chaos – pregnancy hormones clashing with anti-pregnancy hormones clashing with stress hormones. “I’ve seen a lot of women go through it – I don’t want to call it postpartum, but post event melancholy that’s more dramatic than people want to admit.” He prescribed antidepressants. “One day, you’ll feel just like your old self.” It took 9 months.”
Dworkin – McDaniel describes going back to the clinic and talking to one of the clinic workers:
“We could have told you it wasn’t going to be easy,” a clinic staffer noted when I rattled off my complaints during my follow-up.
Why didn’t she speak up sooner?”
Dworkin – McDaniel’s story is similar to that of Abby Johnson. Johnson was the director of a Planned Parenthood clinic when she had an RU-486 abortion. She too was unprepared for the ordeal. You can read her story here.
Johnson describes the agonizing pain and heavy bleeding she experienced. At one point she says:
“I knew I had to get up and wash the blood off of me. I stood up slowly and straightened out my body. As soon as I was completely upright, I felt a pain worse than any other I had experienced. I began to sweat again and felt faint. I grabbed on to the side of the shower wall to steady myself. Then I felt a release…and a splash in the water that was draining beneath me. A blood clot the size of a lemon had fallen into my bath water. Was that my baby? I knew this huge clot was not going to go down the drain, so I reached down to pick it up. I was able to grasp the large clot with both hands and move it to the toilet. I stood in the warm shower for a few minutes…feeling a little relief from the cramping. Then came the excruciating pain again. I jumped out of the shower and sat on the toilet. Another lemon sized blood clot. Then another. And another. I thought I was dying. This couldn’t be normal. Planned Parenthood didn’t ever tell me this could happen. This must be atypical. I decided that I would call them in the morning…if I didn’t die before then. It was around midnight and I had been in the bathroom for a good 12 hours. I knew I couldn’t leave yet. I didn’t want to lay in the bed…the bleeding was too heavy. And the clots were still coming; not as often, but they were still coming. So, I decided to sleep on the bathroom floor that night…right by the toilet. The cold floor felt good on my face. I was physically depleted, but I could not sleep.”
In the morning, she called the clinic:
“The next morning, I called Planned Parenthood as soon as they opened and asked to speak to the nurse. I was told she would call me back soon. She did. I told her about my previous day. She told me, “That is not abnormal.” WHAT?? She could not be serious. All of the bleeding, the clotting, the pain…that was NORMAL??? “Yes,” she said. “Use heating pads, soak in a warm tub, and take Ibuprofen.” I was angry. How could they not tell me the side effects? I felt betrayed.”
She goes on to say: “At a management meeting, I voiced my concerns. Why weren’t we talking about the risks? Why hadn’t anyone told me? “Well, we don’t want to scare them,” my supervisor said. “Oh, like they are scared when they think they are dying from the amount of blood they are losing because we choose not to tell them that is supposedly normal,” I responded. That didn’t go over too well. That was their answer? They didn’t want women to be scared?? The night of my medication abortion, lying on the cold bathroom floor, I had never been so scared.”
It’s true that not every woman who uses RU-486 has such a terrible experience. But these bad experiences are more common than many abortion providers would have us believe. Abortion clinics present RU-486 as an easy option. Often, it is anything but.
Source: Norine Dworkin-McDaniel “BETRAYED BY A PILL” Marie Claire (US), Jul2007, Vol. 14 7, p184-186
LifeNews.com Note: Sarah Terzo is a pro-life liberal who runs ClinicQuotes.com, a web site devoted to exposing the abortion industry. She is a member of the pro-life groups PLAGAL and Secular Pro-Life. This originally appeared at Live Action News.
A new study published in the September 2014 volume of the Journal of Public Health and Epidemiology reveals a significant correlation between autism disorder (AD) and MMR, Varicella (chickenpox) and Hepatitis-A vaccines.
Using statistical analysis and data from the US Government, UK, Denmark and Western Australia, scientists at Sound Choice Pharmaceutical Institute (SCPI) found that increases in autistic disorder correspond with the introduction of vaccines using human fetal cell lines and retroviral contaminants.
vaccineEven more alarming, Dr Theresa Deisher, lead scientist and SCPI founder noted that, “Not only are the human fetal contaminated vaccines associated with autistic disorder throughout the world, but also with epidemic childhood leukemia and lymphomas.”
Their study comes on the heels of recent breaking news that the CDC deliberately withheld evidence of the significant increase in autism among African-American boys who were vaccinated prior to 36 months of age. (See: www.examiner.com/article/whistleblower-reveals-cdc-cover-up-linking-mmr-vaccine-to-autism )
So it should come as no surprise that the FDA has known for decades about the dangers of insertional mutagenesis by using the human fetal cell lines and yet, they chose to ignore it. Instead of conducting safety studies they regulated the amount of human DNA that could be present in a vaccine to no greater than 10ng. (www.fda.gov/ohrms/dockets/ac/05/slides/5-4188S1_4draft.ppt )
Unfortunately, Dr. Deisher’s team discovered that the fetal DNA levels ranged anywhere from 142ng – 2000ng per dose, way beyond the so-called “safe” level.
“There are a large number of publications about the presence of HERV (human endogenous retrovirus – the only re-activatable endogenous retrovirus) and its association with childhood lymphoma,” noted Dr Deisher. “The MMR II and chickenpox vaccines and indeed all vaccines that were propagated or manufactured using the fetal cell line WI-38 are contaminated with this retrovirus. And both parents and physicians have a right to know this!”
Certainly these discoveries by SCPI should generate an immediate investigation by FDA officials, if not an outright ban on the use of aborted fetal cell lines as substrates for vaccine production. There are numerous other non-human FDA-approved cell lines that can and should be used.
Dr Deisher’s study is available on the Academic Journals website at: www.ms.academicjournals.org/article/article1409245960_Deisher%20et%20al.pdf
or on their website at www.soundchoice.org/scpiJournalPubHealthEpidem092014.pdf
Sharon Pearce has served as the Director of Silent Voices since 1984, and has dedicated her life to speaking up for the unborn - and for the women who have been hurt by abortion.