Raquel Beam's Testimony
I grew up going to church with my mom and older sisters. Our dad only went a handful of times but my mom made it a priority for us to go, and so, for me, a Christian foundation was laid at a young age. I grew up in a home where a lot of things that I couldn’t understand, or control were happening around me, experiencing the pain of addiction in my immediate family for many years. Without being able to cope with the emotions I felt and, seeing so much around me I didn’t know how to process, can remember dealing with anxiety from about the age of six. Circumstances of life, an inability to cope with my feelings, and a rebellious heart had caused me to forget the love of God and led me into depression and self-harm and, eventually, to a suicide attempt at fifteen. I was brought to Mesa Vista (a psychiatric facility for youth) where I learned some coping mechanisms and left in a better state than when I had gone in. But, without a genuine change of heart, I continued down most of the same destructive paths as before.
When I was seventeen I went to a service at The Rock church with my amazing mom (who never gave up on me, or my husband; then boyfriend), and I felt God’s loving conviction. For the first time, I felt a need for God’s grace and healing in my life. It was right then that I made a public profession of faith and answered Pastor McPherson’s alter call. After that I had a desire to live for the Lord but without realizing I needed support, I had only tasted God’s goodness. I had not fully surrendered to His call, and I again struggled with depression and self destructive behavior.
At 18, I found myself pregnant and unmarried. The heartache and disappointment from family, and the realities of the struggles to come where staring me right in the face; In the beginning, my boyfriend’s family tried to pressure me into having an abortion. And my Grandfather, whom I very much loved and admired greatly, rejected me, but I sought the Lord wholeheartedly for strength and wisdom. The Lord strengthened my mom and gave her the grace to encourage me; reminding me of what was right. Before long, I found myself amongst the support of family and friends. I had never even changed a diaper before. All I knew for certain was that this child was going to be loved. It wasn’t about me anymore. God had given me a glimpse of who He was, and I was about to see what He was capable of doing in our lives. In spite of my sinfulness, He blessed me with what I never guessed I needed. Just six days before our son was born, my husband and I were married. Of course this time was not without its struggles, but this child was a light; sent from heaven to teach me what pure and unconditional love looked like from a whole new and untainted perspective. As a new mom and a young wife, among the naysayers and the condescension of society, I continued to put my trust in the Lord. He is always faithful, even when I am not. And in His unconditional faithfulness, my Heavenly Father, lovingly, restored all the stressed relationships we had once been saddened by.
My wonderful husband and I have just celebrated 13 years of marriage. In that, we must give thanks to what can only be attributed to God’s goodness! In these 13 years, we’ve welcomed two more amazing sons. My husband, Daniel, is going on 10 yrs. of service as a police officer for the city of San Diego (this, too, has kept me in prayer). God’s goodness has blessed our family even to the extent that I have been able to stay home, nearly full-time, to raise our brood of, soon-to-be, handsome young men.
We now live a beautiful life that, according to the understanding of a world without God, didn’t seem possible. Our eldest son, who some didn’t believe should be allowed to live for the hardship his life would bring us, just turned 13, and is a kind, handsome and funny, straight A student. Our middle son is an incredible athlete, smart and too cute for his own good. Our youngest boy was also a surprise. Yet, he, too, has been another beautiful blessing that God knew we needed.
I give thanks to the Lord for an amazing women’s bible study that I was very blessed to have been a part of. Throughout those years of fellowship with like-minded Christ seekers; by bearing each other’s burdens and keeping each other accountable, I have learned and grown in the knowledge of the Lord, so much.
I seek to share the hope of the Lord, the resources and the love that make up the support system that is Silent Voices with any and all who are in need. Please share the word about Silent Voices with anyone you know with a need... and if that need is yours, then please know we are here for you, and your family.